Embrace the blues!
Published
The late winter months can be gloomy, but children’s mental health expert Lily-Jo has some top tips for getting you and your children through the winter, simply by thinking BLUE!
Believe your children, don’t dismiss their feelings, even if they are frustrating. It’s important that children see that those who care for them value their feelings and believe in them.
Often, all we need is a simple sentence tweak to make our children feel believed. For example, if your child is angry, say ‘I understand that you are angry, do you think you could tell me a little more about why you are feeling that way?’ Through this, we show children that we value their perspective, and that they are loved precisely as they are.
Listen - Use ‘listening language’ so your child feels heard. Don’t worry if children struggle to open up – try an activity you both enjoy, such as a puzzle or drawing, to create a natural environment for conversation. When we use ‘listening language’, we show children that we are not only hearing them but also understanding them. For example, if your child doesn’t want to wear the coat you bought them because it’s different to what the other kids are wearing, your listening language might be: ‘Can you explain why you are worried to wear it?’ If your response is dismissive – ‘You’re being silly’ – it adds to their anxiety.
Understand – introduce your child to practical tools to help them manage their difficult feelings. Creating a simple ‘worry box’ can be an effective tool for managing anxieties. Put a cardboard box in a shared space and the children can post into the box a worry that they have written down (help them write the worries if they can’t yet do this themselves). Set aside a certain time in the day or week to open the box and discuss the worries inside. This is a PTSD management technique called ‘boxing’ which involves putting a negative experience away inside the mind so that it has less impact on everyday life. But remember, it’s essential to make time and space for the worries to be addressed at some point to help the child or young person to express their feelings and recover.
Exercise – moving our bodies is vital to maintaining mental wellbeing, and the release of endorphins is more important than ever at this time of year. Encouraging your children outside might be difficult when it’s cold, but wrapping up warm and doing some fun, physical activities – even just a walk to the park – can be a fantastic mood boost.
Lily-Jo is author of Talking to Children About Mental Health and founder of The Lily-Jo Project – a global initiative that offers mental health education to children and adults.
Order her book at www.amazon.co.uk
