Every child’s experience of ADHD will be unique, from how they respond to a diagnosis to living with the condition on a day-to-day basis. Author and ADHD coach Leanne Maskell* offers advice on how to support children with ADHD.
Published
‘As an ADHD coach, I’ve met children who were extremely happy to have answers about why they always felt so different, and others who felt like this diagnosis meant they were ‘stupid’. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to access an assessment in the first place, let alone adequate follow-up information explaining what diagnosis means in practice.
If you’re a parent of a child who’s been diagnosed with ADHD, it’s likely that you may feel exasperated at this point. Many parents have to fight unbelievably hard to access support for their neurodivergent children, without realising that this doesn’t end at the official diagnosis. It can be exhausting to consistently advocate for and support your children, but it’s important to remember to include them in these conversations first and foremost.
We have many parents of neurodivergent children training with us to become ADHD coaches, wanting to learn how to best empower them to work with their special strengths and understand their needs. That said, you definitely don’t need to be an ADHD expert (or coach!) to support your child through this life-changing diagnosis.
...explaining that having ADHD is like having an Apple MacBook operating system in a world of Google Chrome seemed to go down very well at a primary school...
HERE'S SOME TIPS:
Stay neutral
When a child is diagnosed with ADHD, there’s a variety of people’s
lives impacted, including theirs and your own. Staying neutral about
ADHD can help children to reach their own conclusions about what this
means for them.
Try to keep your own opinions or advice out of these conversations to
avoid your child feeling any pressure to see things how you do. Simply
letting them know you’re there to talk it through makes a big difference
in keeping the conversation open.
Explain ADHD is a difference, not a disorder
Explaining concepts like ADHD and neurodiversity can feel
overwhelming, but a few ‘go to’ explanations from credible sources can
make it accessible to children who may not understand what it means.
For example, explaining that having ADHD is like having an Apple
MacBook operating system in a world of Google Chrome seemed to go down
very well at a primary school I talked at. It’s not an illness and it
definitely doesn’t mean the person is broken –it’s just having unique
brain wiring.
The young children loved the images of ADHD as a racing car with
bicycle brakes – it just means we work differently, which isn’t a bad
thing. You can use these phrases to open up conversations about ADHD.
Offer (and seek!) support
ADHD is linked to a higher likelihood of mental health challenges,
and children may have to cope with negative comments. Offering
specialist external ADHD support such as coaching or therapy can be
extremely helpful for children to feel psychologically safe to explore
what this diagnosis means for them and to access tailored support.
Ensure credentials are carefully checked!
It’s equally important for parents to seek out this support for
themselves. This can offer vital help in understanding how ADHD impacts
your child and how to tailor your parenting style accordingly so they
are well supported, in addition to ensuring you can refill your own
battery.
Involve your children in decisions
With an ADHD diagnosis, there may be important follow up decisions to
make such as whether to try medication. I have spoken to many parents
who are anxious about medication and the ‘addictiveness’ of it, but this
medication helps people with ADHD to become less impulsive. Under a
doctor’s supervision, medication can mean children are less likely to
become addicted to other substances which aren’t medically prescribed!
However, this is ultimately a personal decision, in addition to those such as who else should know about this diagnosis.
Encourage your child to use their strengths
ADHD is linked with a 30 per cent developmental delay in executive
functioning skills, including self-awareness, memory, and emotional
regulation. It’s also scientifically linked with many strengths,
including the ability to hyper-focus on areas of interest, courage,
creativity, and curiosity.
Using positive reinforcement and encouraging your child to follow
their curiosity, even if this isn’t what is ‘normal’ help to boost their
self-esteem. You don’t necessarily need to mention ADHD –just try to be
as positive as possible towards your child!
Empower them to take responsibility
ADHD isn’t an excuse, but it can explain things. Supporting your
child to understand they may struggle in certain areas – and to identify
these challenges together – is important.
Having ADHD isn’t a free pass for bad behaviour, but you can approach
challenges with a collaborative approach to understand the
challenges your child is facing and what can be done. They are likely
trying their very best and don’t want to get into trouble!
Avoid pressure
ADHD is part of who a person is for life – there’s no need to figure
it all out immediately or to have all of the answers. The most important
thing as a parent of a child with ADHD is to ensure they know how loved
and supported they are, exactly as they are.
An ADHD diagnosis can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t change the
brilliant child you have – it’s simply an opportunity to understand
them better, and empower them to do the same.
ADHD IN THE CLASSROOM
School life can be extra challenging for children who are affected by
ADHD. Dr Selina Warlow, a clinical psychologist specialising in
neurodiversity, shares strategies that can help parents support their
children.
Establish a predictable routine
Children with ADHD or autism often thrive in structured environments.
Before the school year begins, start implementing a daily routine that
mirrors the school day. This could include waking up at the same time,
having regular mealtimes and setting a consistent bedtime. A predictable
schedule helps reduce anxiety and allows children to feel more in
control.
Tip: Create a visual schedule that outlines the daily routine, such
as pictures or colour codes to represent different activities, making it
easier for your child to understand and follow.
Collaborate with the school
Communication with teachers and school staff is crucial. Share
information about your child’s needs, strengths and potential triggers.
Establishing a strong partnership with the school can lead to the
development of tailored support plans.
Tip: Schedule a meeting with your child’s teacher before school
starts. This is a good opportunity to discuss any adjustments that may
be necessary, sensory breaks or seating arrangements that minimise
distractions.
Prepare for social interactions
For children with autism, social interactions can be overwhelming.
Role-playing common social scenarios, such as greeting a classmate or
asking for help from a teacher, can boost your child’s confidence.
Discuss strategies for managing social challenges, like finding a quiet
space if they feel overwhelmed. If your child struggles to ask for help
you could make a communication card which they could put onto their
teacher’s desk to explain how they are feeling or if they need help.
Tip: Encourage participation in small-group activities outside of school to practice social skills in a less formal setting. This could be a hobby, sport or a playdate with a trusted friend.
Create a calming home environment
After a day at school, children may feel overwhelmed and need time to
decompress. They may benefit from a designated quiet space at home
where they can retreat if they feel overwhelmed. This space should be
free from distractions, filled with comforting items like soft pillows,
weighted blankets, or their favourite books.
Tip: Incorporate relaxation techniques into the daily routine, such
as deep breathing exercises, listening to calming music or engaging in
mindfulness activities. These techniques can help your child learn to
self-regulate their emotions and manage stress.
Encourage positive reinforcement
Children with ADHD or autism may face frequent challenges, so
celebrating their successes, no matter how small, is important. Positive
reinforcement can boost self-esteem and motivate your child to keep
trying, even when things are difficult.
Tip: Use a reward system to acknowledge achievements or simply remind
them how well they are doing. If you can recognise a child’s challenges
but praise their resilience in overcoming some of these every
day, they are more likely to feel heard and understood.
Monitor and adjust as needed
Every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for
another. Regularly assess how your child is coping with the demands of
school. If you notice signs of distress, such as changes in behaviour,
sleep disturbances or increased anxiety, it may be time to adjust your
approach or seek additional support.
Tip: Keep a journal of your child’s progress, noting any challenges
and how they were addressed. This can be a helpful tool when
communicating with teachers or specialists.
Practice self-care
Supporting a child with ADHD or autism can be demanding and parents
often put their own needs aside. However, maintaining your well-being is
crucial to being an effective support system for your child. Take time
for yourself, seek support from other parents or professionals and
remember that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
Tip: Join a support group for parents of children with ADHD or
autism. Sharing experiences and advice with others who understand your
challenges can provide emotional relief and practical tips.
*Leanne Maskell is an ADHD coach for children and adults, director of ADHD Works and author of ADHD: an A-Z (Hachette) and ADHD Works at Work. She delivers talks of ADHD everywhere from the World Health Organisation to Disney and also visits schools to give talks on ADHD to children.
